Me...as a kid

Here are a collection of things I wrote for random english assignments from about age 7 to around 12. I wasn't necessarily a shining, gold star student, but I was kind of clever...and mildly twisted. Anyway, this has no theological implications here at all (save the paragraph at the bottom, my personal favorite), but it should be fun(ny) to read. I really couldn't tell you when I wrote all these things, I just found the papers and not many of them had dates. But I'm relatively confident all these were somewhere in the age range I gave above. I've left in all my spelling, grammar, and verb tense errors because you know what, sometimes that makes it funnier. Anyway, I hope my youthful ignorance and wit can bring a smile to your face. Enjoy. 

P.S. I was really into hunting back then. Lots of animal deaths. Sorry if you're a lover of animals. Still funny though. 

*Sentences with Prepositional Phrases* 

The food went through the cat’s intestines and came out his butt.

The bear came down the mountain and got shot.

Since she hocked a lugie, she’s been very disguisting.

The deer was within range when I shot it.

The dog was sleeping under the car when he got squashed.

Throughout the first quarter, nobody scored.

Mommy, I was up on the roof!

I went into the giant toilet at the museum.

Don’t go toward the light!

Before the armadillo got across the road a trucker stopped and ate him raw.

There was a young stupid boy

Who was talked into being a decoy

When they found him half dead

Lying on his best friend’s bed

They said what the heck happened to Troy?

*Focus on having a sentence with both a Compound Subject and a Compound Verb.*

Whooosh

One day my sister, myself, my two cousins and a friend decided to go sledding. From the agony of failure on the preceding day, my cousin decided to try and ramp off my bicycle ramp. He and I proceeded to dig in and pack snow on the ramp. My other cousin and her boyfriend stood by awaiting his launch. Finally, he was ready. He hit the ramp and landed with a thud. It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever witnessed. And that was a day I’ll remember for a while. The End.

There was an old woman that lived in a house

She was so mean she killed a mouse

She cut off the mouse’s head

And then the mouse was dead

That was the end of the mouse

An Adventure with Dad

My dad said that we would go squirrel hunting. I felt excited. The next morning we got up to go squirrel hunting. We dressed warmly. When we go to the woods we were very quiet. One of the squirrel was very dumb. He walk right in front of us bang, dead squirrel. Another squirrel was very smart. He ran. But me and my dad are very good at hunting so, bang. By the time we got home we had killed five squirrels. We skinned them and gave them to our Aunt Tootsie. It was a good adventure with my dad. It was the best time ever. The End.

Tae-Kwondo Banquet

At my Tae-kwondo banquet the first thing I got was my blue belt and certificate, and then I got picked with my friend for the most dedicated student. I was shocked. I ate cake and drank water. It was good. The rest of the time I splashed my face with water. A girl sang a song. I didn’t like it. At the end I got a picture with my friend and then we went home. The End.

A Limerick Poem

There was a dog

That got lost in the fog

He saw a house

And found a mouse

He chased the mouse into a log

A Rainy Day

One day in Ohio we were staying with my cousin. She wanted to go to her cousins’ house. I went with her. It was raining outside. One of her cousins was tan. He took tae-kwondo just like me. Their dogs liked me. Their names were Prince and Hero. Because it was raining we played pool, poker, and checkers. My uncle picked us up. It was fun after all. The End.

Red Beard’s Ship

One day I turned fifteen. As a present my parents bought me a boat and diving gear. We went to the Pacific Ocean. I saw a sanken ship. I went in. On the wall it said Red Beard’s Ship. It was freaky. I saw a chest. I was thankful I went deep sea diving. I was running out of air. I was worried but I was faithful in God and he gave me strength. I was able to go fast. I pulled the chest to the surface. My parents pulled me in. I opened the chest and it was full of gold. I thanked God for saving me. Instead of spending the money. I gave it to the needy. I felt good. The End.